Did I ever tell you guys how much I wanna give up upon this life?
Did I ever tell you guys how much I’m frustated with myself and my life and everything within it?
Did I ever tell you guys that the moment I had my first failure I know my life will never be the same?
Did I ever tell you how I worked my ass off but nothing ever come in return?
So, I know its okay to put all the blame on me. Because I’m always the one with trouble and I’m always the one who can’t never achieved what I wanted. I am someone who is always fail meet everyone expectations.
I’m tired of me. Tired of not being able to achieve what I want. The reason to live every single day is that I believe that my parent still have the expectation on me. They still believe me no matter how much I disappoint them.
To ma and abah.
If you’re reading this. Please know that I’ve tried enough. And I’m tired to meet everyone’s expectation. And please do know I love you guys dearly and to not be able to fulfill your wishes are the utmost failure of my life. Sometimes, I don’t want to go back home not because I don’t miss you guys. But I’m to ashamed to meet your eyes and tell you I’m done with life.
To ma and abah.
If you guys are reading this. There are lots and lots of thing to tell and to clarify with you guys but know that I am still your child and you guys are my parents and the limits and respect is till there. To ma and abah. I’m sorry I’m not as perfect as my dearest sisters.
I’m sorry to be such a huge disappointment in your life.
I’m truly sorry.