Academic Dismissal

To whom it may concern

Today, I received my academic dismissal letter from my university.

“ACADEMIC DISMISSAL”

Those two words are enough to bring to make my heart skips a beat. I was too stunned to moved. And by the time I clicked on my inbox, my hands are trembling like crazy. I was unable to cry nor to do anything. The only thing that pops up in my head is “Well TJ, you really are one piece of shit. You can’t even bring back your life nor your spirit. You are so done.”

I can’t tell my parents. I am hopeless. I am so done.

Dear whoever hearing and reading this.

I am so tired of my life.

I am tired of trying hard and not get rewarded. Tired of trying to bring my life back together. Tired of pulling pieces by pieces to put back together. Dear people, is this life? Does life hits you hard like this?

I meant to do well. I studied, I learned, I put extra effort but it all comes back to nothing. I am so tired. People keep throwing things to talk and here I am. Unable to do anything right. Unable to even give bits of happiness to my parents. Although people said that you can be happy anywhere but I’m sad everywhere.

Even if I am in a crowd but I still feels empty and lonely. Even if I am laughing, I still feel like crying. I am not a person that is good with words and talks. When I cried, and people asked me what’s wrong, deep inside i want to scream and cry as much as I can. Spill everything. But in the end, I will force myself to laugh. Because I know I won’t be able to tell.

Dear God, if you’re there. Help me. Hear me out. Listen to me. At least give me myself back. Help me.

And dear people. I need your advice. Your love. Do send me some. As I am at the verge of falling deeper inside and vanished. Send me some strengh and some kind words.
Thank you

Advertisements

2 thoughts on “Academic Dismissal

  1. This probably won’t help but I wish I was dismissed from my university. When I got the stupid piece of paper I realized what a WASTE OF TIME it has been. I wasted 3 years of my life studying, rarely sleeping, hurting my body. I could have been outside, in the sun, exercising, reading, whatever. I could have been spending all that time trying to find something that I actually like doing.. which is not STUDYING.

    Maybe it is a blessing in disguise that you got dismissed? I know, when bad things happen it feels like the world has collapsed. And I felt like that just yesterday. Hopeless and devastated. But there are things that I know happened because I went through all the bad things. I have 2 amazing rescue dogs for example. One of them was in a kill shelter and was going to be euthanized the week that we found her! If we were just a few days too early or too late, we might not have found her at all.

    So all the arguments, wrong turns, sad says, have led me to save this wonderful dog. And she makes me so happy.

    So there may be a reason that bad things happen, maybe they will lead you to good things.

    1. Thank you for your kind words dear WD. Your words somehow soothes me. Its true. I did feel like my world has collapsed before me and for now i have no idea what I want to do. My family are not very supportive for all the things that I wanna do. They want me to excel and be well. I will do well from now on! thank you for your words. It really made my day!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s