To whom it may concern
Today, I received my academic dismissal letter from my university.
Those two words are enough to bring to make my heart skips a beat. I was too stunned to moved. And by the time I clicked on my inbox, my hands are trembling like crazy. I was unable to cry nor to do anything. The only thing that pops up in my head is “Well TJ, you really are one piece of shit. You can’t even bring back your life nor your spirit. You are so done.”
I can’t tell my parents. I am hopeless. I am so done.
Dear whoever hearing and reading this.
I am so tired of my life.
I am tired of trying hard and not get rewarded. Tired of trying to bring my life back together. Tired of pulling pieces by pieces to put back together. Dear people, is this life? Does life hits you hard like this?
I meant to do well. I studied, I learned, I put extra effort but it all comes back to nothing. I am so tired. People keep throwing things to talk and here I am. Unable to do anything right. Unable to even give bits of happiness to my parents. Although people said that you can be happy anywhere but I’m sad everywhere.
Even if I am in a crowd but I still feels empty and lonely. Even if I am laughing, I still feel like crying. I am not a person that is good with words and talks. When I cried, and people asked me what’s wrong, deep inside i want to scream and cry as much as I can. Spill everything. But in the end, I will force myself to laugh. Because I know I won’t be able to tell.
Dear God, if you’re there. Help me. Hear me out. Listen to me. At least give me myself back. Help me.
And dear people. I need your advice. Your love. Do send me some. As I am at the verge of falling deeper inside and vanished. Send me some strengh and some kind words.